How many people have been destroyed in this big pit of acquaintance society

01.

The self is more difficult than Jordan to defeat the first game of the 1997 NBA (American Professional Basketball League) Finals, the fourth quarter, and the last 9.2 seconds. League MVP (Most Valuable Player) star Karl Malone got two free throws and he walked to the free throw line. His Utah Jazz team is the best team in the West. Their opponent is the Chicago Bulls who own Michael Jordan.

If the Bulls win this game, it will successfully defend its title and win its fifth championship in seven seasons, creating one of the greatest dynasties in sports history.

score: 82 to 82. The results of the game are in the hands of Malone. He is an NBA Hall of Fame superstar and has been selected for the All-Star 11 times. He holds the record for the highest free throw score in history, with a career free throw score of up to 74%. As long as one of two free throws is hit, the Jazz will lead. Unless Michael Jordan can cast a shocking magic in the last few seconds, Malone will lead the Jazz to victory and defeat the invincible Bulls at home.

That was the moment when countless players dreamed of since childhood. The NBA Finals are in the spotlight, and everyone is paying attention. Years of hard training, persistence and sacrifice, sweat and tears are all for this moment - winning the championship!

The audience was in full bloom. "When Carl walked to the free throw line, the sound of the stadium was deafening," recalled Brad Rock, a former sports columnist at Desert News. "I had tinnitus for several days." The fans stood up and screamed loudly, waving the white foam stick in their hands.

Marron is a top expert. He is called the "postman" because he always plays stably, shoots high in shooting percentage, delivers accurately like a postman, and is trustworthy.

When Malone stood at the free throw point, Bulls power forward Scott Pippen walked past him toward the defensive position. Pippen said: "Ma Long, the postman will not deliver on Sunday."

This provocative and clever sentence is perfect.

Maron started the free throw, and his movements were as usual, slapped the ball, lowered his head, turned the ball twice in the air, squatted down, shook back and forth, recited the names of his wife and daughter, and finally, shot.

Bang!

The ball was not scored.

82 to 82.

The audience fell into madness. Malone left the free throw line and tried to cheer up, but his face showed that he was suffering from depression and disappointment.

He walked back to the free throw line. The noise of the audience drowned out the voice of NBC live broadcast announcer Groom Albert. Malone started the second free throw, slapping the ball, spinning, squatting, shaking...shot!

The ball was not scored.

82 to 82.

Unbelievable! Malone, one of the greatest players in history, missed two free throws at a critical moment.

The situation turned sharply. After a moment of timeout, in the last 9 seconds, Michael Jordan received the ball and broke through Jazz small forward Brian Russell, making a fatal two-pointer, winning the game.

The rest of the story has become history. The Bulls won the last five games and won the championship, and Scott Pippen's provocation was also written into the history of NBA legends.

Is it Pippen's words that caused Malone to miss the free throw? No one can tell whether it was Pilpoon's free throw. Maybe the confrontation with Dennis Rodman exhausted Malone, maybe the pressure and noise were affected when shooting, maybe the injury to his hand in the Western Conference Finals affected his shooting form, or maybe there was no reason, but simply missing two goals.

We will never know the answer, because Malone follows the warrior's guidelines: never make excuses.

But this story deeply attracted NBA fans. Malone is an excellent basketball player. At that time, he was at the peak of his career and had outstanding abilities, but he failed to show his strength at the most critical moment on the biggest stage. The story is full of drama: Karl Malone, a giant who is over 2 meters tall, has a psychological balance broken by just 7 words "The postman will not deliver on Sunday."

Compared to the NBA Finals, most of us work environments are not so crowded and exciting, but we have also been influenced by our parents, teachers, bosses or colleagues. Their words pierce our emotional armor and expose our vulnerability.

This begs the question: Why are we so susceptible to targeted opinions from others? What exactly is hidden behind the emotional armor?

02.

What is identity cognition

As we see in club professional players, identity cognition is one of the most fertile breeding places for FOPO.

FOPO: fear of people 's opinions, fear of others' opinions.

FOPO does not calibrate other people's feedback based on personal self-awareness, but allows others to determine their own value. Under the influence of FOPO, we will conditionally overestimate other people's opinions.

FOPO is trying its best to try to interpret other people's ideas and strive to avoid negative comments from others. The real problem is not the negative view itself, but the fear of negative view.

Our identities depend on how self-identities are made up. In the face of attacks on other people's opinions, identity perception may make us nervous and vulnerable.

Under the following three bad identities, others' opinions attack us like swords, threatening our survival:

(1) Self-awareness does not match our true self;

(2) Self-awareness is too narrow to accept everything;

(3) Self-awareness is too closed to absorb new information and accept self-growth and change.

Identity cognition is our subjective perception of ourselves, which is based on personal experiences, beliefs, values, memory and culture..

Trees need wind to strengthen their root systems. The wind shakes the trunks, applying pressure to weak parts of the roots, causing them to split and grow deeper. This is why when planting a tree, you only need to give some support to make the tree stand upright. Swaying on the top of the tree in the wind will allow the tree to grow strong trunks and roots.

We need to treat ourselves as a tree to meet the wind's posture to meet the stress and tension.

05.

Let personal goals be higher than others' recognition

We have been accustomed to seeking recognition since childhood, and this habit continues until adulthood, manifested in the continuous pursuit of recognition from our boss, spouse, friends and colleagues. Over time, we have established an internal mechanism, that is, to check whether everything is normal based on external feedback. However, we are not limited to this reflection system. We have another option: goal.

The goal is a belief, that is, believe in the meaning of one's own life. A goal is a broad purpose driven by the inside, which not only means far-reachingly to oneself, but also affects the world outside oneself. In short, your goal is very important to you and it has great intrinsic value. The goal determines the direction of the future.

Instead of checking outwardly whether others recognize themselves, we should readjust the reaction mechanism and turn to the inner, and use the target as the detection standard. No longer worry about "whether I am recognized", but use "whether I am loyal to my goals" as a new reference point.

We can check whether our thoughts, words and deeds meet our goals. Taking individual goals, not others' recognition, as screening criteria, guides us to make decisions, prioritize and make choices.

On the surface, whether it is sports competition or business competition, the purpose is to win. But individuals or organizations that can continue to win for a long time are often driven by more than medals or stock prices. Goals may not be a prerequisite for excellence, but when there are clear goals in life, we become more resilient when facing challenges.

When something is crucial to us, we can do whatever it takes. For the sake of love, ideals, and the life we ​​want, we can ignore our image and care about other people's opinions, and focus on what we are doing now.

As Ben Holtberg describes, goal is a powerful motivation that builds our identities around what we value most.

Target-based identity perception gives people internal motivation. With a goal, a person's motivation will come from the meaning of what he does and the potential he can realize, rather than the evaluation of others.

The two cognitive modes are completely different, one is sustainable and the other is exhausting.